Alien Abduction - A javahead serial ...

[caffe biscotto]

*brews up a pot of oolong tea,
then measures out the appropriate amount*

Quick Mako, drink this.........!!!

 

[MakoShark]

oolong remedy

NO Biscotto, through the ears, through the ears!!

 

[caffe biscotto]

Scary Crazy Alien Argonauts
starring Tom Cruise as Topher of Boca Java fame
and Kevin Smith (Silent Bob) as CCafe,
will return after this brief interruption……

*Dude, I lost the script, you gotta take the reigns after the commercial break*

 

[CCafe]

*brews up a pot of oolong tea,
then measures out the appropriate amount*

Quick Mako, drink this.........!!!

[/quote

I vaguely see the face of Satan in that drink. Drink my friends, drink, and become one with us. (Food for thought) I really prefer to eat my dinner before I have to talk to it!

 

[caffe biscotto]

CCafe, the head cannibal alien himself has spoken and it seems the story has a twist.

They are actually Scary Cannibal Alien Argonauts who wish, to not assimilate us, but to consume our fleshly bodies and replace us with the coffee lovin' alien clones of our former selves!!!

I don't think even the detoxifying properties of oolong tea can save us now.......

 

[MakoShark]

Alien Coffee Chronicles

... so, they are cannibals... that explains a lot of things. While CCafe tried to throw us off track with his reference to the visage of a Satanic figure in my oolong remedy, this was merely a ruse.

Yes, I have been saved by the oolong. Poured through the ears by C. Biscotto, I have regained my senses and most of my equilibrium. But in my delirium I discovered some alarming insight.

Biscotto is right about the cannibalistic intentions of the aliens. And the image in the oolong tea is actually of an alien holding a menu. If you look really close you see the wording on the menu. It reads:

Food for Fifty-Billion, a Culinary Delight
"How to feed your Centaurian family by eating unsuspecting Earth Human CoffeeForums Members"

How Ghastly! How Incidious! If CCafe is really the head cannibal alien, then we are in big trouble. But I suspect it goes deeper, much deeper. Has anybody checked the footware of the elusive Juan Valdez lately...

MakoShark

... and pass the oolong.

 

[topher]

cannibals? I guess that would make me the only vegitarian cannibal :?

 

[MakoShark]

Alien Coffee Chronicles - Vegetarian Cannibals

Communique to all remaining Coffee Forum Humans!!

Beware the invaders who would try to throw you off track. First it was CCafe suggesting Satanic images in a vessel of oolong serum. Now we see Topher (he with the green oozy Nikes) suggesting that it is impossible for there to be vegetarian cannibals.

You see how clever they are. Take a good look at this image:

It's called, "That Bobbie Girl"

You can learn more about her at:
http://thatbobbiegirl.blogspot.com/2005/05/what-would-vegetarian-cannibal-eat.html
But be very careful. And make sure you have some oolong at hand.
She's an ALIEN!

No, I haven't gone mad... not yet. Topher made me think long and hard about the idea that vegetarians by definition cannot be cannibals. How can this be. Maybe we've been fooling ourselves. Hmmm.

I thought back to the battles fought so far. And the evidence. You can't deny the evidence. But how can a true vegetarian be a cannibal? So I began my exhaustive research. Remember, Topher has large roasters. REALLY BIG BIG ROASTERS. Caffe Biscotto thinks CCafe might be the head alien. Maybe Topher has taken over ...

But he's a vegetarian. Perhaps he's granted sanctuary to the aliens in his Nike's. That's right, Sanctuary Shoes. I wonder if the INS is aware...

Still, what about vegetarian cannibals? Back to the research. After days of digging and searching and challenging my faith and understanding, I found That Bobbie Girl Look into her eyes. Not too long. Oolong tea.

The creator of Hufu, Mark Nuckols, seems to think there's a good market for a human-flesh flavored tofu meat substitute. Just who would buy it? Perhaps cannibals who are trying to kick the habit, or who just want to dash to the store to pick up something for dinner like everyone else, rather than going to all the trouble, mess, and legalities involved with traditional cannibalism? It could also appeal to the cannibalistically curious set -- those who like the idea, but want to see if they'd even like the taste before committing to the lifestyle. And of course, cannibals who have been ordered by their witch doctors to cut back on meat.

... or aliens, maybe?!!!

OOLONG ALERT!!

That Bobbie Girl has got to be an Alien Vegetarian Cannibal, just like Topher! Look into her eyes. Has anybody actually looked into Topher's eyes and lived to talk about it? Ask this of yourself and you'll know the truth.

It is too late for Topher. The Centaurians in his Nike's have done their abduction completely. Or, as Biscotto has discovered, they have consumed poor Topher and replaced him with an Alien likeness. All that remains is, the Anti-Topher!

These are indeed DARK DAYS (Vienna) for CoffeeForums. Is there anybody that can bring back the light? Caffe Biscotto!!!!

Mako

 

[MakoShark]

Alien Coffee Chronicles

It's quiet. It has become deathly still around the forum. I smell the aroma of fresh coffee brewing. It could be my wife making a fresh pot. It smells really nice, almost sweet. In fact, it's smelling very sweet. Shockingly I notice that it now smells nothing like coffee. Something is wrong here ....

I walk downstairs. Very quiet. Nothing is stirring. I see no one. I enter the kitchen. The smell is dissipating. It's less pronounced all of the sudden, as if it has rapidly been sucked out of the room. I turn the corner ... and can't believe my eyes!

"Henry! what are you doing?" Henry is standing on his two hind legs, holding a cup of steaming BLACK coffee.

"I was a little sleepy and decided to make some coffee. Want some?". All I could do is stand there with my jaw hanging open. What has happened to Henry? What has happened to Mrs. Shark?

And why would my Norwegian Elk Hound Henry be standing in the kitchen with a cup of joe in his paw? Henry (my 12 year old dog) doesn't even have opposable thumbs! Something is not right here!

Mako

 

[davidsbiscotti]

This is what cabin fever does to a man. Nice work Mako Shark.
Looks like I’m not the crunchiest nut in the bunch anymore.

One more post and this one becomes a “[ Popular ]” thread…….

 

[topher]

you guys are...unique :wink: there now it is popular..sigh..

 

[MakoShark]

Alien Coffee Chronicles

As a quick aside from our little saga, I don't know what "popular" is, in terms of threads. Are we talking fabric here?

And Topher (or image of Topher) is your kindness in putting us over the top a ploy to lull us into a sense of trust or malaise? We must be ever vigilant, oh anti-abduction warriors! Personally, I'm more hyper-vigilant than is healthy these days.

Topher, there may be hope for you, even as a clone of your former self. They couldn't have cloned you without using some essence of Topher.

Search your heart, young Skywalker. Search and you will know it's true. Then check your Nike's ....

Mako

 

[MakoShark]

Anti Abduction-Warriors Unite!!!

... crunchy is as crunchy does, so says the Mother of Forrest Gump. By the way, has anybody seen the recent abductee Forrest? He's good, but always runnin'.

I have heard endorphins have the same positive affect on recent alien abductees as oolong tea. It creates a similar chemical reaction inside the body which makes the victim resilient to the bodily invasion.

Of course this theory is ridiculous if you believe the abducted victims are actually clone replacements of their formerly cannibalized hosts. Still, if a clone has the root of its being within its DNA, I believe the possibility exists for a clone to become its former host. There is a chance that with enough oolong tea and endorphins we might still survive this invasion.

But we must stay away from black coffee. What would become of all the cafes across the land, without their coffee? Would they revert to ... cannabis parlors?

I wonder what effect of cannabis would have on the aliens. If nothing else, it might slow them down enough to pour a little oolong into their ears ... Perhaps a plan is developing here, that might turn the tide. We must act before it is too late!!

Anti Abduction-Warriors Unite!!!

MakoShark

 

[CCafe]

You feeble humans why do you think all life is carbon based!? In sense you would be our vegetables. Our own home world is being scourged by a coffee like parasite that consumes all carbon and renders it uneatable. The real irony is that we control your forum and talk about the very thing that is how you would say "Hell bent on our own destruction" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[caffe biscotto]

Dude, I'm skerd now.

Anyway, Forrest Gump did run and kept running until he escaped and no one has seen him since.

Steve Kessler, on the other hand, is rumored to have converted back to the human side of the forum. He’s been communicating with the moderators through private messages in hopes of gathering intelligence. It’s no surprise that he’s got nothing from CCafe yet.
(Ha ha ha, just kidding.)

Another rumor is that the alien clones, Topher of Boca Java fame and CCafe (Silent Bob), are currently at odds with each other regarding which one is the better coffee roaster. Indeed, which one shall receive the greatest praise of all the little feeble humans, based solely on his roasting skills?

The only way to be sure is if they each send me a small one pound sample of their finest roast. This of course would be at a great risk, but I’m willing to sacrifice myself for the good of the forum. Then, it can be judged once and for all, who is the best coffee roasting alien….